The Human Centipede

Before viewing “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)”, you’ll need to decide whether you can handle watching three people who’ve been sewn together mouth to backside and crawl around naked, defecating down each other’s throats. That’s what the devilish surgeon accomplishes with his victims, and that’s what you’re going to have to look at for a good forty five minutes of the film. The rest of the story is obvious: crazy doctor acquires victims in standard fashion; victims make half-hearted escape attempts; lots of screaming and yelling ensues. You can predict everything that happens; it fits into the typical gore film formula.

My expectations were set for “The Human Centipede” to be one of the most disgusting, cringe-worthy pieces of film I’d ever watch. Even the film’s log line is enough to send even those with the strongest stomachs running for the nearest toilet desperately trying to hang on to their dinner. It’s been promised to be one of the breakout pieces of horror in this new decade, and been poised as one of the most original stories told in the genre. But frankly, it isn’t. In fact, I have no problem in stating it is the vilest film I’ve ever had the misfortune of watching.

The story is simple. During a stopover in Germany in the middle of a carefree road trip through Europe, two dim American girls find themselves alone during a storm, at night when their car breaks down in the woods. Searching for help at a nearby villa, they are wooed into the clutches of a deranged retired surgeon, Dr.Heiter who explains his mad scientific vision to his captives’ utter horror. They are to be the subjects of his sick lifetime fantasy: to be the first to connect people, one to the next, via their gastric system, and in doing so brings to life ‘the human centipede’.

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Parts two and three of the centipede, played by Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie are utterly insufferable as cookie-cutter horror movie victims whose mouths you want to see sewn to someone’s ass just so they’ll shut up. Their motives are as ridiculous as their actions and it’s unbearable to watch. They look for help with their flat tire in the woods instead of on the road, they whimper and whine about a little bit of rain, and they go right into the house of this doctor, who anyone can tell is a god damn psycho. You’d think buzzers would have gone off when the first thing he asks them is, “Are you alone?”. They’re unlikable to an immeasurable degree and you almost feel they deserve what’s coming to them. In all, it’s predictable, cliché, and trite. But it does take a special kind of actor to agree to stick their face against someone’s backside for a couple weeks of production, so A for effort, but weak execution.

They’re followed closely by the most horribly trained police officers you’ll ever see in a film, making eighty percent of the acting in The Human Centipede laughable and distracting. On a more positive note, Dieter Laser plays Dr. Heiter, and the performance is nothing short of brilliant; with the visage of an evil Christopher Walken, and he is completely and totally mad. Terrifying in the level of how unhinged he is, Laser bounces back and forth between quiet menace and utter insanity.

The Human Centipede is a dangerous film. If you think this flick isn’t for you, you’re probably right. This is a movie will leave you scarred and will give you a whole new meaning to the term “ass-to-mouth’’.

 

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This article was originally published in the UCC College Express.

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How marketers are using LinkedIn to gain more than a new job!

It can be seen in today’s market that LinkedIn is a strong contender. With over 330 million users, LinkedIn is fast becoming one of the world’s largest professional networking sites. Indeed, it can be said that LinkedIn is not merely a social media website, it is a strong marketing tool for it’s users.

LinkedIn is the most powerful marketing tool of the 21st century and there are three main reasons why — media, partnerships and clients. – Anfernee Chansamooth

Though LinkedIn may seem to some as merely an online CV, LindedIn has developed into much more than that. Employers are now looking at all of the details of one’s profile, not merely past work experience. There are several hundred articles dedicated to using the website efficiently, Forbes and Hubspot both share an insight into having a “winning profile”. Interestingly, in both articles one can see that it is not just about listing your past experiences, networking is key.

When it comes to business to consumer (B2C) marketers, a report has found that LinkedIn has grown from 51% last year to 71% this year: LinkedIn is now not only for job searching, Cheryl Conner from Forbes  highlights strategies one can use on LinkedIn in order to be successful. Tactics such as using LinkedIn to check out your competition, asking for direct consumer feedback on your product and using LinkedIn polls to carry out market research are all discussed within the article.

Publishing on LinkedIn is also a huge area in which marketers can gain. Be creating your own content, you have total control of your published content on the esteemed website.

Sponsored updates are also extremely helpful for marketers. This helps widen the audience of your posts on the website.

There have been several extremely successful marketing campaigns on LinkedIn. This article chose it’s top five campaigns that companies used on LinkedIn. By looking at these as a blueprint, your business can learn from these fine examples and see how these could provide inspiration for your business.

Analytics, asking questions, targeting your posts, filtering content, making the most of your product and service section and engaging with reccommenders are some of the key ways marketers use LinkedIn to market their businesses. This article is fascinating as it encompasses all the different areas in which a business can thrive on the mostly cost-free site.

In all, LinkedIn is more than simply a job search website. If used correctly, marketers can use it for more than just social networking.

Cork Digital Marketing Awards Ceremony 2014

Finalist for Best Use of Facebook for a Company with 20 Employees or less.

Finalist for Best Use of Facebook for a Company with 20 Employees or less.

I had an amazing time at the Cork Digital Marketing Awards Ceremony today. Unfortunately we didn’t win in our category of “Best Use of Facebook for a company with 20 employees or less”, but being nominated was such an honour. It’s really exciting for my future in marketing and the future of digital marketing in Cork.

At least we came away with this!

At least we came away with this!

Top 10 tips for using Twitter to market your Irish SME

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With 284 Million monthly active users, Twitter is the way forward when it comes to social media. It is therefore imperative that for a business to succeed, your business is properly represented on one of the biggest social media platforms in the world. Here are some top tips to help you market your SME.

This is a comprehensive video about marketing your business on Twitter:

1. Understand Twitter

By learning the basics of the site itself, you will be able to utilize it to your full advantage and this will help you market your business. By studying ‘Twittiquette’ you will understand your audience and this will aid you in interacting with your publics.

2.Choose a good handle

Not only should your name be relevant but you should try and have a catchy, easy to remember twitter handle. Here is an interesting article on choosing a twitter handle. Your handle aids in the branding of your business online and helps tie in your entire business to your online profile.

3. Have an Action Plan

It is of the utmost importance that you create an action plan for your business with regards to Twitter. What are your aims? What do want to achieve on this social platform? By having an action plan in place before you begin using Twitter to your full advantage, you will reep the rewards!

4. Listen to your audience

The key to the success of Twitter for businesses is the interaction with your publics. By listening to the feedback from your customers and taking this feedback into consideration in your strategies, your business will grow and thrive through close contact with the consumers.

5. Fresh Content

You should aim in having interesting tweets. Try to mix up what you are putting out whether it’s videos, memes or photos, these will aid in engaging with your target audience. Don’t be boring!

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6. Don’t sell

A major rule one should follow when using Twitter for your business is don’t sell to your customer, interact with your customer

80% of your Tweets should focus on driving interactions with your followers, such as Retweets, replies, and favorites. Once you’ve built some rapport, you can mix in direct offers or promotions that get followers to take actions, such as clicking on a link or making a purchase from your website.

7. Use Hashtags

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By understanding your brand you will be able to use hastags to your advantage. Don’t overuse them either, but learn the importance in aiding you to reach out to your target audience.

8. Reward your followers

Competitions, follow sprees etc are some of strategies you can use to help your fan base grow. By rewarding your followers and engaging with them on this level, it will inspire others to become more involved in your business. Applications like Crowdbooster help you to see who is the most influential in engaging with your business.

9. Be Consistent

It is detrimental for any SME to be consistent in your output on Twitter. You should only tweet about things your target audience would be interested in. As well as this, it’s important to vitalize applications like Hootsuite so that your twitter feed is constantly being updated. 55555

10. Know your market

By keeping an eye on local news and trends, you will be able to engage with your audience and make a bigger impact.

Facebook – Playing by Their Rules Matters

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Facebook is one of the largest social media platforms in the world. A sharp increase in active users from 2008 to 2014 highlights to businesses the importance of Facebook.

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For Businesses, competition is everything. Facebook’s new stricter guidelines highlight how the world of business competition is changing. – Facebook Page Guidelines

Social Media Marketing is one of the largest areas for businesses and Facebook is imperative in this. With thousands of businesses using their Facebook pages as their primary advertising space, the rules and regulations for competitions have eased during 2014.

We’ve removed the requirement that promotions on Facebook only be administered through apps
Now, promotions may be administered on Page Timelines and in apps on Facebook. For example, businesses can now:
  • Collect entries by having users post on the Page or comment/like a Page post
  • Collect entries by having users message the Page
  • Utilize likes as a voting mechanism
As before, however, businesses cannot administer promotions on personal Timelines.
Accurate tagging is required in promotions
In order to maintain the accuracy of Page content, our Pages Terms now prohibit Pages from tagging or encouraging people to tag themselves in content that they are not actually depicted in. So, for instance:
  • It’s OK to ask people to submit names of a new product in exchange for a chance to win a prize
  • It’s not OK to ask people tag themselves in pictures of a new product in exchange for a chance to win a prize

An article I found insightful with regards to the new rules about Facebook competitions can be read here. Discussing third party apps and sharing, it makes some valid points when it comes to playing by Facebook’s rules.

With many sources highlighting that Facebook is indeed the top dog when it comes to social media, keeping their new rules in mind is vital for businesses.

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Many pages on the internet have been dedicated to aiding the business to decipher these new guidelines. I found the Social Skinny’s article really good in outlining in detail what was being asked of the business by Facebook.

The Future of Social Media Marketing is Mobile

Indeed, the future of Social Media Marketing is mobile. This is plain to see with companies strongly relying on social media as a method of marketing and advertising. Not only is it free, but the audience on these social networks is extremely large. Mobile marketing is quickly becoming the new digital focus.

According to WeAreSocial, there are over 6.7 billion mobiles in the world, as opposed to 4.2 billion television viewers. Mobile marketing is the new “lean forward” approach.

As of January 2014, 74% of online adults use social networking websites such as Facebook, Twitter etc. It should come as no surprise that mobile social media marketing is the way forward. Josh Steimle of Forbes discussed in his article of the huge importance mobile will have on the future of marketing. It is evident with large companies around the world that being consumer-friendly is the way forward. Engaging on social media platforms such as Instagram, Pintrest, Twitter and Snapchat, the company only gains in it’s customer base. The large audience reach within these sites, mainly Facebook, only further highlight to the marketer that these must be used to gain in business.

Social Media Examiner highlight 7 tips your business can use in order to connect with mobile users. Engaging with your customers is key in succeeding along with making your content short, interesting and easy to scroll.

Visual networks are on the rise, with Instagram being hugely influential with regards to social media marketing. Andrew McCarthy outlines how Instagram can be used to get your fans excited for Christmas. This is a fascinating article as it shows how the best of breed use the free social networking platform to engage with it’s customer base and grow it’s audience reach.

 outlines how your business can utilize Instagram to it’s full capacity by bringing you through the key functions of the site, the power of using hashtags and the usage of Instagram Direct.

The more engagement you drive on Instagram through your comments and posts, the more others will do the same for you or want to be part of the conversation too. The key is being as diligent on Instagram as you are on Facebook and Twitter.- Sue B. Zimmerman

In light of all of this, I believe the future of social media marketing is mobile. With more and more consumers purchasing on the go than ever before, tapping into this as a marketer is the only way to succeed.

This Youtube clip of Mobile Marketing Trends 2015 is very interesting for the future of social media marketing:

The Future of Social Media Marketing is indeed mobile.

What is your favourite app?